Two decades

Twenty years ago today my firstborn arrived into this world.  I knew I would name her Dorothee after my mom if she was a girl.  And she was.  As I looked through her photo album today, I was reminded of all the blessings I had been given.   Looking on myself the day she was born, I don't remember being so young.  But I was.

I tried to recall that day today, twenty years later, and was unexpected by the overwhelming emotion that flowed out of me.  Twenty years.  I mean what usually happens in twenty years.  If you are blessed, you are married for twenty years.  But I do not remember feeling this emotional on my 20th wedding anniversary.  Maybe it was because Mark was right there with me celebrating and I could not look on my daughter and celebrate with her.  Maybe it was because her celebrating twenty years and my celebrating twenty years looks so different.  I am only beginning to understand why my mother smiles so much when she sees me again.  It is that dear, dear child that is once again sharing her life.  

The pain hit me hard.  Those first contractions.  Never a feeling I have ever felt, or would ever forget.  After a couple of hours, I realized those pains were not going away until the she arrived.  I was forever grateful to labor room nurses.  At all my deliveries, with tears streaming out of my eyes, I thanked those nurses.  They all knew what to do, always knew how to calm me.  And Mark.  Enduring the yells, the puking, the crazed pleadings.  Always reassuring.  Telling me I had no choice but to do this.  There was no turning back.  

Lord, this post is not turning out how I had anticipated, but I am no writer.  I am beginning to see that.  I have lots of thoughts, but they never get organized.  I thank You, for the gift you gave me twenty years ago.  Thanks for the memories I have, of raising her, spending time with her, being loved by her, watching her grow and  change.  Thanks for what You have done, and allowing me to take part in what You continue to do.  I do not know what tomorrow brings.  But You do.  You are already there.  Help me to trust You to do everything You have said You would do.  Help me to be faithful to my husband and all my children.  Guide me Great Redeemer.  I am weak, but You are mighty.  Hold me with your powerful hand.  Bread of Heaven, feed me now and evermore!  Amen.